400 Moons

thankful

emilyComment
I made a purchase yesterday that was about much more than buying an early Christmas gift for myself, or saving a little money by taking advantage of a sale. It was also about deciding to invest in myself a little, and to take a leap that I have been dreaming about taking for almost a decade. Even though I had a far-off goal of one day doing this, I have lived through enough to understand that we can't really plan our journey out. That life is too short, really, to spend our whole life waiting for that "right time". So since the Summer I have been working to sell stuff, save money, and slowly reorganize my studio space to make room for my very own pottery wheel. I have also been preparing to make room for this in my life on a much bigger scale than it has been. I have a vivid memory from my college days, of a Friday morning spent in pottery class. It was a beautiful morning, and the wheel I was on faced the window. In the background there was music playing, the sun was shining in so warmly on me, and I remember thinking that this was how I wanted to spend my life. That if I could only do one thing for the end of my days I would choose this. It was a fleeting thought, and I assumed it was just because that moment was so perfect. But here I am, 10 years later—and what feels like 50 in living—and I still can't stop thinking that this is the one thing I would choose above all of the other things I have and could do. I wouldn't trade my career or jobs or opportunities, and the truth is, I haven't been ready to be at this place until now. Honestly, I am still not sure that I am totally there. But if there is one thing I have learned over the last few years, it is that you can never actually get to where you need to go, until you take those first steps. I have also settled into understanding that my life will always involve much more work and time to get to where I am going then I would prefer, but I am finally okay with that. Because when I do arrive, I am always much happier with the results. So if, in fact, I am suppose to be spending my days with my hands in clay and water and making all sorts of useful shapes; well, I suppose it is time to start taking those steps to get there. And if not, it has still become a place that brings nothing but happiness. So this year, I am thankful for all of the blessings that years of hard work can yield, and the God-given strength and patience necessary to get there. I am also thankful for the transformation that has resulted from all of the heartache and loss over the past two and a half years. There has been a lot of difficult work and steps taken to get to the place where I am in my life, but can now say that I feel confident I am past grieving, and am fully back to living. I feel this strongly when I am on the wheel. It is a space focused on creating, meditating, and being quiet. All of which brings such joy and connection and thanksgiving. So to spend time that way makes this holiday just about perfect! And the smell of cornbread dressing in the oven right now, is a close second. Love to all!